Spinning on that dizzy edge

Going almost two years without posting here was never a deliberate choice, but more a result of having nothing momentous to report, a trade-off I will take for the absence (mostly) of Bad Stuff. My immediate household is all vaxxed and boosted and has avoided getting COVID, though I did pick up a wicked cold from spending Christmas at my parents' house, visiting with several family members I hadn't seen since before the pandemic. I still have my job. The kid has been in person for school since August and doing much better scholastically as a result. (Last school year was a nightmare grades-wise and emotionally.) The husband is still unemployed, though he's been doing better about helping around the house. The dog is my faithful companion; I am grateful to her for providing the impetus to get out of the house at least once a day to walk her.

( Family, excuses, etc. )

Right now I'm in a contented state of the weather having finally snowed a proper amount, such that the ground is all covered and no mud/grass/grossness is showing through, and the forecast is cold enough that it should stick around a while. It makes my Northern European/Scandinavian, hygge-loving heritage so satisfied. The kid has also been on snow day vacation for the past three days, though he had to get up even earlier this morning to go with the school bands to a jazz band festival. At least I didn't have to drive him, just drop him off that the school and pick him up in a few minutes.

In short, Hi! I've missed talking to you all.

This is getting long, so I will make another post about participating in Festivids for the first time in AGES.

SERIOUSLY. My customer DB turned out to have a nasty surprise in it, and so I found myself compelled to keep working on it. Until 10 PM. SELF, YOU CHOSE POORLY. At least I was catching up on my YouTube watching in the background. (kouredios, that Dan'n'Phil pumpkin carving was ridiculous and delightful. The guts!hair as the crowning touch! *dying*)

( Candy fail, family grief, kid progress, tired )

So yes, I would welcome some nice long stretches of boring. But first we have to get through next week. I swear just having the robocalls and email and text barrages come to an end would be a relief, but I am nursing a small sprout of hope in my heart for better.

I hope you all have a glorious weekend with lovely weather.

1. Despite my inability to post here in my own space (and the lesser frequency of commenting in other people's), I do in fact continue to exist.

( Kid, health, cancer, body issues, and VVC )

G'night, all!

So now that the kid is finally a teen and fully amidst middle school, the homework load is turning into a mountain. We were persuaded by the school last year to downgrade his IEP to a 504 plan; as a result, his support level has gone from daily conferences to basically zero. (Needless to say, I'm pretty pissed.) The not-so-little man's executive function is not up to the task of managing all the bits that need to be corralled, so he asked me to get him on meds for his ADHD. We got in to see the specialist pediatrician last week, and had the prescription called in and ready the same day. Only, when I went to pick it up (exasperated all over again that even though the two pharmacy locations I use are ostensibly part of the same chain, their computers don't actually talk to each other, so I have to give each one my insurance info), my new prescription plan required a separate authorization from the doc (I'm guessing where the doc has to say "Yes, this patient does actually need this drug", SIGH). So I had to leave without it. Then Friday night the pharmacy left a message on the answering machine about a question on the prescription, which I didn't get until they after they closed. Today I got another robocall saying that the prescription was ready, so I headed there after work.

This time, the filled prescription was for another medication entirely, and two different formulations to boot. The doc's office hadn't called me to say there was a change, so I was entirely confused, and left without the meds again so I could call the doc tomorrow. Then I got home to another call on the answering machine, saying the pharmacy had gotten the original prescription properly authorized, but it was going to be more costly than expected.

Tomorrow will be lots of phone calls as I try to get this all straightened out, while remaining calm. I anticipate much deep breathing and abuse of the mute button on the phone.

It’s actually, properly September now, the Friday before the last long weekend for a while. The husband and kid both have today off, and I am working from home. OK, "working": I’m waiting for the meds to kick in to combat my current bout of cramps, while keeping an intermittent eye on the work queue and fighting off a case of the fuckits.

Things I am grateful for:

The Internet, for providing me such answers as how to hack my CPAP to slightly turn up the pressure, and confirming that the shamelessly manipulative packet I got in the mail is from a charity with a shady financial history.

OTC medicine that can tackle mundane body issues.

My job situation, which lets me work from home whenever I want, and my work team, who are such an improvement from my previous position that my frogskin is almost all the way recovered from the boiling treatment.

My immediate in-laws, who are a band of enthusiastic and affectionate goobers.

My son, who gives me hope every day that he’s on the path to being a happy, independent, self-aware adult, which is my biggest goal for him.


Things for which I’d like to file a bug report:

The failure of the future to deliver robot bodies and instantaneous transporters. I’d even take a mashup of the two, where you rent a remote body.

Local companies that don’t call me back for work I need done, even after I’ve paid them!

My parent company, who in their infinite wisdom decided that the division of the company I work at (as in I have a cubicle in that building) but not for (my boss and team are an hour south of me, but we’re all on the same network) is obsolete, so they’re letting 100 people go in two months and outsourcing those responsibilities to third parties who can do them cheaper. It’s not a surprise - everyone in the building has been seeing this coming, but the timeline was a shock. Most of the people being cut have worked for this company for 15 or 20+ years, so their skillsets are out of date and they're much closer to retirement than most companies would probably like; getting new jobs will be a grim prospect. I am both grateful and guilty that years ago I jumped at a new position in another division when it was offered, but it doesn’t stop me from being angry at the recent decision. Fuck capitalism and its naked greed.

Right now I am also angry at the sheer awfulness of people; the hate playing out in the White House and the US, and across the world, make it really hard to raise a kid with any sense of optimism and belief in the merits of being a good or even decent person. It would be helpful if the positive news came in amounts larger than glimmers.

It’s a comforting delusion to believe that me and mine are insulated and far away from Those People, the racists and white supremacists, even as the local bumper stickers and check-out line conversations would indicate otherwise. But then I run smack dab into people I know, in the family circle, who are unbelievable DICKS, and my brain fugues into WTFery.

( Content warnings for familial anti-Semitism )

*deep breaths*

It doesn’t help that I’m still angry about something that happened to my son earlier this week. I picked him up from the library, where he hangs out in the teen space after school, and noticed that he was a little bit tense. "Mom, don’t be mad," he started, which never seems to end well, and proceeded to tell me that he had loaned his phone to an older kid who claimed that he needed to call his family. The phone came back to my kid with the battery almost dead, with multiple open tabs of porn and a porn app installed. My son closed and uninstalled everything, but he was worried that I or his dad might think that it was his doing, because he was pretty sure that the other kid had done it to get him in trouble. I had to hug him and assure him that I wasn’t mad at him at all, but I was plenty angry at the other kid for abusing his trust and making him feel bad for trying to be helpful. I also thanked him for being so open with me, and pointed out that being able to trust him meant we would automatically believe him.

I understand that the real world is mean and full of harsh lessons like that, but damn it, fuck that kid for reinforcing that the world will screw you over given the chance.

ARGH. I’m happy that it’s a long weekend; here’s hoping that everyone gets a restorative break. With enough deep breaths and restful sleep, I might even move past anger for a while.

I need to take more pictures of my son. Every year at the winter holidays, I make a collage photo card to send out, and every year I beat myself up for not snapping more shots.

My memory is unreliable for being able to look back and recall the milestones in his life. I never filled out a baby book for him or made any kind of crafty preservation of notable times; my collection of posts on LJ/DW is my only true record-keeping.

This was brought home to me when I sat down with my mom a few weeks back to scan pictures to use in the photo vid I'm making for their party. She has almost a whole album's worth of pictures from her childhood and youth. My dad has a mere handful. Is it because she was raised as an only child and he was the second kid? He shrugged when I asked him.

I took today off as a reward/recovery day from yesterday's events. My kid is spending the weekend with a friend of his, so we spent some time packing up his clothes and games to bring. He dug up a wind-up mouse and asked me to sit opposite him at the coffee table. We spent a good long while laughing at each other as we sent the mouse back and forth, with its erratic wobbles causing it to shoot off at occasional weird angles and landing in between us, so we'd each claim "Not It!" and demand it was on the other's side to recover. It eventually wound up in a tickle fight and chase around the house. I love my little goober man.

Future!Me, here's another moment to treasure. I will try to take more pictures, and write more down.

It seems like nowadays a lot of people are having things go wrong with their bodies. I saw an article recently that the stress of the current political climate is causing psychosomatic reactions for many; it was refreshing to read that far from being dismissed as irrational, the link between mind and body is gaining a lot of scientific backing.

For me, that month-long period turned into a more than 2 month period, ( gross details TMI )

I hope that I'm racking up good karma points at an exponential rate for not taking it out on everyone in my vicinity. At least for now (fuck those Rs and their AHCA) I still have good insurance? But between the copays and supplies and meds for everything else going on, plus having to take time off work for office visits (when I want to be doing much more fun things with my PTO), this shit is expensive enough. Small blessings that it's not disturbing my sleep like the bronchitis.

In other news, my son is working through a checklist of entering his teen years: defiant about everything ("Why do I have such a stupid bedtime?", "Homework is a waste of my time, and I hate school.", "I already showered two days ago, why do I have to again tonight?"), trying to navigate body awkwardness, processing FEELINGS towards girls, and generally testing my patience every day. This is going to be so much fun!

Also challenging is pulling together clips for my Club Vivid entry. I'm hoping I get an extension, because I don't see being done by the deadline. For a short song, it's taking an extra long time to assemble. I've already had to navigate several cycles of "This sucks, why am I bothering?" self-doubt; I counter with "It's a dance vid, it doesn't have to revolutionize the art, and you're your own worst critic." and move on.

It's not all completely doom and gloom, thankfully. Today my company is providing ice cream and fresh waffle cones. I am loving the crop of springtime flowers currently brightening the landscape. Here's to sweet treats, blue skies, and balmy breezes!

Look at me - not even a week and I'm posting again. Winning! :)

I am officially signed up for the Vividcon Auction, so I'm enjoying the brief lull before I started freaking out about the whole process ("OMG no one is bidding on me!" "OMG everyone else is raking in the money!" "Crap I have an assignment now what do I DOOOO?")

The Emperor is on spring break right now; I've been working from home and appreciating the hell out of the flexibility of my job. This also means getting more sleep since I'm not rushing around in the morning getting myself ready and fed, and hurrying the Emperor out the door to school. Also, a big Yay for working in comfy clothes!

Last Friday evening we had dinner at the in-laws to celebrate St. Patrick's Day and youngest BiL's birthday. It was delicious and fun; I got to snuggle both my new niece and nephew. They thought their Auntie was very cozy baby furniture and were perfect angels.

I have been offloading as much stuff as I can onto the newly kiddified in-laws, which has prompted me to take a good long look at the basement, AKA the Pit of Despair, the embodiment of piled higher and deeper Round Tuits. I finished the last of the dreaded and huge reorganization of the Christmas collection, so it now takes up 12(!) boxes and totes, but it's all separated and labeled so I won't have to paw through each one looking for specific pieces. (I may even do a non-Space Battle Tree decoration job next year with all the rediscovered treasures.)

I spent most of this past weekend going through the basement's remaining boxes, totes, and assorted crapstacks. It's not finished by any measure, but it's certainly more organized. Once I get rid of a bunch more totes of unwanted clothes at the next ladies' clothing swap, I'll have even more room.

Last week we briefly had the opportunity to adopt a dog from a friend of my parents, then he rethought the offer. It was a minor disappointment, but it kicked me into higher gear to get the house and our lives ready, so I continued my streak of accomplishments this afternoon by finishing up my work assignment and making several phone calls that I've been putting off: more doctor's visits and home improvement stuff. The sooner we get the backyard transformed from its current state of unfenced mudpit, the sooner we can bring home a new dog.

I totally adulted this Monday like a boss. :)

I'm not officially off work until tomorrow, but UGH I am fighting off slipping into vacation mode right now, and losing. I've got 10 tabs open of recipes I want to bake for the VVC con suite (self, you have less than 2 days to do it all, STOP IT), and my mind is flitting all over the place with details.

Competing for brain space are:

1) The long-awaited sewer line replacement is FINALLY happening. I don't have a lot of faith in this company, considering they've been stringing me along for months, and couldn't even dig in the right spot yesterday (a foot or so off), but I just want it done already. I had big plans for getting stuff checked off my todo list this weekend, until I got an email from the company saying we were responsible for opening up access to the backyard. I had to spend most of Sunday clearing the side beds, then helping the husband fight with the fence to swing it out of the way to let them bring in their equipment. Hopefully they can wrap everything up today. If they interfere with my baking plans tomorrow, I will get angry.

2) I want another dog like you wouldn't believe, but I have to wait until the sewer line mess is done. It's been a freaking year, and I still tear up about with how much I miss my sweet fuzzy girl.

3) The Emperor's school starts next week. Registration and supplies shopping is done (though he still needs new shoes), and we have school orientation Thursday during which I hope to ask a bazillion questions, starting with who his IEP support people are, because I am beyond tired of going months into the school year with no info. I am terrified about how this year is going to go; middle school is a trial by fire of executive function, and I'm anticipating that my ADHD/ASD boy is going to have a very hard time of it. This transition is exactly why I've fought so hard to keep his IEP in place, so here's hoping the school has its act together when it comes to support.

4) ( Family medical TMI grossness )

5) My minivan needs to go into the shop at some point. Since I'm driving my husband's car to VVC, I really hope the van doesn't break down on him while I'm gone. (There's also a simmering resentment that my husband moaned for months about how he had to get his oil changed, but couldn't be bothered to get it done even when he had a bonus day off work. I got it done on MY day off so it would be ready to go. ARGH.)

6) The house is a pit. I keep fighting the clutter and losing. My Saturday morning garage sale addiction isn't helping.

7) I have so much left to do for VVC prep, including making a Club Vivid outfit, doing some last-minute edits on my CVV entry and getting it ready for posting, the afore-mentioned baking, and PACKING UGH. I am bringing all the booze, and it's going to be wine o'clock as soon as my stuff makes it to the hotel room.

Wish me luck in making it to Thursday night with my sanity intact!

There was an event at the Emperor's school one evening last week for which they created art and sang songs about civil rights. I had a moment of equal parts pride and embarrassment when he proudly showed me his poster stating "I have a dream that terrorism will end", with a tiny addendum of "and that Donald Trump won't win the election". I can remember being younger than him in grade school, a lone voice in the classroom staunchly insisting that Ronald Reagan was a bad president because he was gutting education funding and making other ridiculous decisions. Little pitchers have big ears, unto the next generation. (Also amusing: his Valentine's Day card to me, with the poem "Roses are red, violets are blue, this project was forced, but I still love you!" That's my little goober man.)

However, I'm pretty darned sure that a snot-nosed somebody infected my offspring at the school function, as he's been laid low with a nasty cold/fever/cough over the three-day weekend and through today. I took Monday off and have been working from home the past couple of days with little to no success, as it's very hard to watch boring training videos when somebody is playing Super Smash Bros in the background and coughing up his gloopy lungs.

I have however leveled up like a woman obsessed with the Avengers Academy app; I am so close to welcoming Captain America to the roster! Of course, then I'll have to give up the entertaining animated loop of him doing jumping jacks, one-armed push-ups, and posing with some serious Blue Steel.

I don't do well with open-ended assignments and a distracting environment; I am actually looking forward to going back to the office and getting SOMETHING done. Maybe my executive function caught the cold, leaving me with compromised willpower? *sigh*