[sticky entry] Sticky: Fic and Vid List

Jan. 1st, 2020 03:57 pm
grammarwoman: (Default)
Welcome to my fanworks!

If you'd like to transform any of these into your own creative work, whether that be a remix, podfic, art, vid, or whatever, please feel free!  Just drop me a note somewhere; I'd love to see the results.

Note:  I tend to bump up ratings when in doubt, so my NC-17 may be your R or even PG-13.  As always, YMMV.

Vids )

Fic )
grammarwoman: (Default)
Posting! I can do it! Four days in a row, WOOOOOOO! This post brought to you by me congratulating myself on closing 20 tabs tonight. *high-fives self*

It's February, and I'm not gonna call this shitposting, but maybe posting about shit, aka A meme! (Copied from [personal profile] misbegotten - thanks!)
Random questions and answers )

Happy Friday and weekend!
grammarwoman: A decorated tree sparkles outside at night (Sparkling tree)
I got my walk in this afternoon, and it was delightful. I was bundled up in two layers from head to toe; the only part of the cold that was bothersome was my nose running, but that's what pocket tissues are for.

Here we are tipping over into February, and it turns out I am still nursing resentment from the holidays. I took off from work the week between Christmas and New Year's, and from the span of December 21st to January 1st I think I got all of a day as an actual vacation. The rest was spent decorating, cooking, shopping, wrapping, planning, driving, and being at other people's houses. My mom and dad were super grateful, even as it was occasionally weird and hard and awful without my brother there, but...*Sigh* And then my in-laws made me want to scream due to ongoing shenanigans and drama.

So I need to work on letting that go, which is hard, because I can nurse a grudge like nobody's business. I'm prescribing myself deep cleansing breaths and making lists of gratitudes. Like:

1) Our furnace has soldiered on like a trouper through this cold.

2) We had enough food in the house that we didn't have to make any emergency store runs.

3) I have a treadmill so I can get my steps in regardless of the weather.

4) The bills are paid and will continue to be paid for the foreseeable future.

5) Circumstances aside, it's nice having both of my boys home with me as I work.

6) I am lucky to have you guys as a sounding board and Team Me. Thank you!

grammarwoman: (Default)
All y'all can go home, I'm the worst mom.

The school closure for today was announced yesterday on account of the "welcome to -40F windchill" predictions, and I informed the kid that he would be going to bed at his usual school night time anyway. "But Mom!" I didn't even bother arguing with him; I just pulled out the bare bones "Guess what - I'm your mom and sometimes I get to say Because I Said So, and you have to live with it."

I got another robocall this afternoon announcing that school is out tomorrow as well, and I informed Mr. Luckypants of the news, and that his bedtime would not change. I guess he didn't believe me, because when I reminded him just now, I'm surprised his outraged shriek of "WHAT" didn't set the neighborhood dogs barking. "Maybe if you had worked on your homework at all, I might have let you stay up later, but now you have only tomorrow to work on the assignments," said the meanest mom. The sullen "FINE" I got was straight out of a John Hughes movie: epic in scope and timbre, throbbing with the injustice of it all.

OK, maybe I'm a teeny bit resentful that I'm the only one working in this household. Oh, yeah, forgot to mention - the husband got laid off a week ago Friday, and hasn't done a damned thing to sign up for unemployment or job search. Gosh, I was really looking forward to being a single income family again. NOT.

Temps be damned - tomorrow I think I'm gonna go for a walk outside.
grammarwoman: (Snowman)
Because this flesh of mine insists on being fed, but can't decide on what sounds good, except for those things that are high in calories and low in nutrients. (Ice cream! Chocolate! Deli meat and cheese!) I guess the chronic sleep deprivation is stoking the cravings for sweets and fats, to stimulate/simulate brain fuel, but GAH, would it kill you to want some vegetables instead?

I also would like to register a complaint about this meat brain. It says hateful things about me, refuses to concentrate on necessary tasks or even skim and close browser tabs and instead would prefer to spend hours watching Youtube, and is in general annoying and hard to operate. (Like, I want to want to watch Festivids, but the brain weasels hiss at me for having missed participating the second year in a row and will gleefully taunt me for the offerings everyone else is sharing that are better than I would have done anyway. FFS, brain. Could you not be such an asshole?) I am resentful and sullen, whilst simultaneously grateful, that twee advice like "have you tried exercise and sunlight?" do actually help my mood. I think my teen's attitude is rubbing off on me.

The only bright spots with respect to my physiology are that the current cold weather and snow are making me very happy (my Northern European genetics are gleeful about the weather in a way that reminds me of my friends' Husky - let us go out and romp! It's invigorating!), and somehow *knock on wood* I have managed to avoid the annual post-holiday malaise. It might be that I got a flu shot, it might be the post-nasal, coughing misery that was October and November already covered that ground, but I am supremely grateful to be relatively healthy. Now if I could ban freaking RAIN in JANUARY, such that I can go outside and enjoy the sun on a regular basis, that would be lovely.

Am I alone in loving the cold? Surely there must be other people out there who appreciate that you can always put on more layers. In any case, I hope you all have warm places to burrow into and hot beverages to savor.
grammarwoman: (Default)
Hi! For those who are somewhere in the process of fleeing from Tumblr and joining/rejoining DW, my condolences for the implosion of the former. Tumblr is a dangerous timesuck for me, because of its hypnotic, never-ending scroll of pics and gifs and interesting media, but did I mention the never-ending? I'm not going to claim to have OCD, but my sub-category of FOMO is a serious brain weasel and one of the main reasons FB is a nemesis. FB has no bottom and every other post is "Hey, have an update on that thing that's been going on for six months" and I'm like "There's a thing?" and feeling bad for not knowing about the thing and being compelled to go back and read about the thing. Babies and divorces and deaths, oh my.

So yeah, this week has been something of a scramble to stay on top of my DW reading list. I love hearing everyone's news and seeing them post here! But it's, ah, a bit overwhelming? As I put it elsewhere, "Yay, all the content to read! YIKES, ALL THE CONTENT TO READ!"

In short, still here, still reading, still commenting way more than posting, glad to see you all! Somehow I will get through the 80+ tabs I have open. :)
grammarwoman: (Default)
I don't DO protests well. I always feel on the edge of tears, too angry and sick that it's necessary to state the obvious, that we shouldn't have to protest basic things like politicians breaking the law, but feeling like I can at least be one more in the crowd.

It was a good group tonight, at least a couple hundred people roused at the last minute to yell "This is what democracy looks like!" and "No one is above the law!" and "Let Bob keep his job!" as we marched downtown. My sign had two sides, one with "Protect Mueller's Investigation! Time-out to the Toddler-in-Chief!" and the other:

Political System."

Not a lot of planning involved, but heartfelt all the same. I'm curious if it or I will show up in any pictures, because lots of people were taking photos and video.

I hate the necessity, but I'm glad I wasn't alone out there.
grammarwoman: (flames of fall)
SERIOUSLY. My customer DB turned out to have a nasty surprise in it, and so I found myself compelled to keep working on it. Until 10 PM. SELF, YOU CHOSE POORLY. At least I was catching up on my YouTube watching in the background. ([personal profile] kouredios, that Dan'n'Phil pumpkin carving was ridiculous and delightful. The guts!hair as the crowning touch! *dying*)

Candy fail, family grief, kid progress, tired )

So yes, I would welcome some nice long stretches of boring. But first we have to get through next week. I swear just having the robocalls and email and text barrages come to an end would be a relief, but I am nursing a small sprout of hope in my heart for better.

I hope you all have a glorious weekend with lovely weather.
grammarwoman: (Default)
I mean, my pool of caring was near empty anyway, given that it's Friday, but posting a question to the team's Slack channel and having it go completely ignored just flushed the rest down the drain.

I think I'm all done with living in interesting times and would like some nice boring sameness for a while, but that assumes that next week brings some relief with a Blue Wave and not "Welcome to a fresh onslaught of never-ending dread and despair!" results.

I feel like I should post some sort of overview of the last (checks post date and sighs) 7 weeks; I just needed to clear that rant out of the queue first. I'm going to set this client database fix to run and go out over my lunch break to vulture over the Halloween clearance, hopefully returning with lots of Reese's pumpkins. They should make that proportion of PB-to-chocolate all year round.
grammarwoman: (Default)
My brother passed away yesterday morning. His girlfriend and my dad were there with him, and from what my parents say, it was a welcome release for him. His girlfriend has an excellent local support system, and her brother will be flying in tonight to stay with her so my folks can drive back home. It looks like the memorial will be in a week or two; they are still nailing down details.

I am not doing great; tired numbness is basically my primary feeling right now, with spikes of anger and throat-clenching grief. I am desperately glad that I got to see him two weeks ago when he was still coherent. I am furious with his kids and his ex for ghosting on him, and his past self who blew off the initial symptoms and inconclusive results. I am trying to cut myself some slack for not attempting to bridge the gulf between us as adults, because he was never great at talking about feelings, and probably not that interested in analyzing our relationship.

I spent a lot of yesterday noping out of responsible adulting by doing avoidant stuff like Pokemon raids and not thinking about much of anything; I did let my team at work know, and I'm guessing some back-channel conversations happened, because nobody has said boo about my not picking up the high priority tasks in our queue and opting instead for the low-hanging fruit. I also had a face-palming moment this morning when I realized that it's picture day at the kid's school, and he certainly did not dress for that. Thank goodness for retakes.

I was just beginning to forgive September - in 2001, in the space of 3 weeks, 9/11 happened, my uncle was killed by a drunk driver, my great-aunt died, and after returning from those back-to-back funerals, my boss informed me that I was being let go due to cutbacks. Yesterday was actually the 17th anniversary of my uncle's death. So September can go hang, again, some more.

...I've just spent five minutes re-reading this post while debating about turning off comments. The coin toss said to leave them on, but I hope you'll understand if I can't respond for a while or, you know, at all.
grammarwoman: (Default)
(Alas, Torrid doesn't seem to have them currently in stock.)

So wow, today was A Day. Crappy night's sleep, hours of meetings, kid forgetting his therapy appointment (we were late, but made it), kid resistant to acknowledging that trying and failing is still worth recognizing (thank you for the backup, therapist!), then off to the music store to buy more band materials, then to percussion lessons, then patience-sapping arguments about the unfairness of a world geared towards right-handed people, and the gendered pay gap, and his inability to have an open mind during discussions (you are 13, young man, and though you may feel like the internet is your teacher, a whole bunch of people know more than you do! INCLUDING YOUR MOTHER), then home, then more work to make up for the hours missed. Hi, 8 PM, how are you?

Then, bolstered by the wonderfully supportive comments from Team Me in the last post (Thank you everybody!), and armored in my villainous undergarment, I called my mom. Who was not pleased, but because of company, could only give me quietly upset voice instead of yelling. Because she had intended it to be a day trip? (She never mentioned that.) And didn't think it was a good idea if I went up by myself on Sunday. (Despite have said previously that I need quality time with my brother.) And because of the house guests, she'd have to talk to my dad and wouldn't be able to get back to me until Thursday, and couldn't understand why I was changing my mind when I'd already agreed. (Ignoring the "I think that sounds OK, but I have to talk to the family.")

Self, "It is okay if others get angry." Self, "It is okay to say no." Self, enjoy your glass of sangria and sleep all the sleeps tonight.
grammarwoman: (Default)
How bad am I at boundaries? THIS BAD. )

So here I sit, guts churning and brain locked about a simple fucking phone call where I say, "Sure, Mom, I'll be there, but it will be around dinnertime instead of the afternoon." I have written and trashed a bunch of mental scripts (with many thanks to Captain Awkward and her amazing words), trying to steel myself to sit firm with my decision.

Wish me luck and strength. (And as always, fuck cancer.)
grammarwoman: (Farscape OTP)
Title: Blow
Source: Farscape
Music: "Blow", Ke$ha
Vid Download Link: Sendspace, 226.30MB

AO3 link.

Summary: This place's about to blow.

Notes: A Club Vivid entry for Vividcon 2018.

For the last Vividcon, I went back to my vidding roots and made a Farscape vid, for My Show, the show of my heart. As I said when I first started babbling about making this: Has this song been used in a bajillion vids? Yes, even a older Farscape one on Youtube! Are there any other danceable songs about being crazy + explosions + underpants? Not that I could find!

[personal profile] heresluck is the master of the sandwich critique - how are you so awesome? :)

Vid here! )

Lyrics )
grammarwoman: (Default)
Or rather, the store took back the lousy peaches and gave me store credit, which was more than fine with me. I still want peaches, though; perhaps the farmer's market tomorrow will have some.

5 days until I leave for VVC. So much prep work to do! I have a character in mind for a cosplay, with variations on an outfit, so I'll have to see what the local thrift stores can do for me. And the baking plans are getting a little out of control...10 different kinds of cookies/sweet treats is excessive, yes? But they all look so good!

Tonight I binged all three eps of the current season of Killjoys and OMG MORE NOW PLEASE. This show! Oh, this show delights nearly every corner of my fannish heart. The only thing it's missing is Claudia Black and Ben Browder as an old married mercenary couple, and then it would be perfection. (Get on that, showrunners.)

But now it's late, and tomorrow I can sleep. (Do you hear that, body? SLEEP. Not wake up in a panic at ass-crack o'clock. Please.)
grammarwoman: (Default)
1. Despite my inability to post here in my own space (and the lesser frequency of commenting in other people's), I do in fact continue to exist.

Kid, health, cancer, body issues, and VVC )

G'night, all!
grammarwoman: (Default)
1) The obscene weather, with ridonkulous humidity and high temps pushing the heat index past 100 degrees.

2) The fact that it has to be said OUT LOUD that separating families and putting kids in cages is bad. This should be a commonly understood truth. THIS SHOULD BE OBVIOUS.

3) Needing to demonstrate about #2 outside during the stranglehold of #1. (My sign: "Shame on the Kidnapper-in-Chief! Keep families together!")

4) Having my empathy button mashed so hard, and my civic pride overwhelmed at the hundreds of people around me, that my face kept leaking in public. Mild benefit of #1: at least I was already flushed and sweaty.

5) Being accosted by an older white dude-bro who smugly informed me and my friend that it was pointless to protest because the USA is a corporation now. (We noped right out of the "conversation" with His Smugness when he tried to label Obama as a communist. UGH.)

I am home and inside now, luxuriating in my AC, feeling about as solid as a boiled noodle, but pondering going back out to complete some more Pokemon Go tasks and do the grocery shopping.

...In a while. Maybe.
grammarwoman: (Default)
Thank you, so much, to everyone who responded to my post yesterday. It means a lot to me. I hope you understand if I don't respond to each comment, because trying to find variations on "Thank you" is a little beyond me right now. I appreciate you all more than I can say.

Angry )
grammarwoman: (Default)
I got an email from my mom today, with an update about my brother. Bad news )
grammarwoman: A purple tulip in Spring (Spring Tulip)
It's been two years since our sewer line got replaced, two years living with a big hump of dirt in our back yard that has refused to settle. I called a bunch of landscapers last summer, trying to get someone to come out and fix it, but the only company that actually looked at the issue and got me an estimate never returned my phone calls after that. In the interim, I've arranged and paid to have the gutters replaced, a new patio poured, the oak out front trimmed of its dead branches and a dying pine tree removed, and an entirely new back yard fence installed. (I won't even get into how irritating it was having to do it all myself, because my husband can't/won't make outside calls from work.)

The weather has been so weird this spring that I've been dragging my feet in starting up the hunt for landscaping again. (We had a frost two weeks ago and then near 90 degree weather a few days later.) But it's the last step before we get another dog, something that's been weighing on my mind a lot, if the number of dreams that my beloved puppy girl has showed up in are any measure, so I bit the bullet and made some more calls.

One guy came out last week and promised me an email estimate shortly thereafter. What showed up was the landscaper's version of a Dear John letter - "Sorry, we're too busy to handle your job. No love, us." I was so wound up that I literally burst into tears.

Did I mention that I hate making phone calls, and I hate even more getting them from complete strangers? This whole process has been a frustrating nightmare. I just want to throw funds at the problem and make it finally disappear. Why will no one take my damned money? (Job too small, schedule too crowded, and other tiresome excuses, IMHO.)

There is one current ray of hope with the contractor who came out today and sounded confident about getting me an estimate tomorrow and a potential for a quick turnaround. I'm almost beyond caring about the cost, if it gets me closure on this.
grammarwoman: (Default)
I was deeply disappointed by the lack of snow and cold weather over this past winter. (I like freezing temps killing things that are supposed to be killed, like bugs and weeds.) I know I'm a goof for loving snow, so now I have to laugh at myself.

Every year, I let the leaves mulch up over the flower beds to keep them safe and snug over the winter. Then, come springtime, I dither about how long to wait to clean out the beds, wondering if we're past the cold zone, which inevitably results in the foliage overgrowing past easy removal of the leaves. We're hosting the family Easter gathering in a week, and I wanted the front yard to look nice, so I hired a lawn service guy to blow out and rake up all the lawn detritus and take it away. That was Thursday.

Today we woke up to snow and wind and snow and snow. We've got at least 4-5 inches outside. Timing! At least yesterday when I was out and abouting, I resisted the urge to buy some flowers for planting outside, because March cannot be trusted, and thus was my caution rewarded.

I am also very glad I did the grocery shopping then, so I can stay inside and enjoy the view from comfort and warmth while puttering in the kitchen. I put away a bunch of clean dishes, cooked myself some hash and eggs, baked up some peanut butter cookies, and then threw together a batch of palak paneer. I'm poised on the brink of the end of Farscape season 2, not wanting to dive into the heartbreak of the last episode, so I'm watching all the bonus features first. I've got a minute of vid on the timeline, and at least for right now, the world is calm and cozy. I'm thinking hot chocolate and peanut butter cookies sound really good right now. Hygge to all, and to all a good night!


grammarwoman: (Default)Kim

February 2019



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