Spinning on that dizzy edge

This week is so fucking fired.

My hopes to see my cousins, their families, and my aunt at her cabin over the 4th of July weekend like we all did last year got shot down. My backup plan to visit a couple of weeks later when my parents are going is looking less likely. Now I have to decide if driving seven hours each way and going for two days with my grumpy husband and ADHD kid makes sense, and if calling it off is worth disappointing my kid.

I'd still really like to see at least one of my cousins, so I thought hey, maybe we could stay with her and her husband and go to the Wisconsin State Fair! Then I find out that my other cousin is due with her fifth kid at the same time. Less than optimal, to say the least.

Hearing about my cousin's pregnancy just opens up the whole infertility snarl in my head again. Since my miscarriage, I've put on a bunch of weight that I'm hoping (and so far failing) to lose before we start trying again. The biological clock keeps ticking louder and louder, with increasing ominous tones of "Midnight is coming", which goes just great with the undercurrent of "this isn't fucking fair - she has four little girls already".

My husband quit his job several weeks ago, so we've been pulling together cost-cutting measures like refinancing. Today we found out the results of the house appraisal, which put the current value of our house at over 10% lower than five years ago, which is complete and utter bullshit. I am in shock and sick at the news; refinancing at this point is out of the question. Now I'm waiting to hear from the banker if we can get another appraisal that isn't completely jacked up, or if we can cancel the refinancing.

Because I'm not under enough stress, last night my brain decided to mash up all the anxiety floating around and present me with a doozy of a nightmare. It was a cross between "The Wicker Man" and "Rosemary's Baby", where I was on vacation in a rural area, surrounded by genial-seeming folk, only to find out that I was to be the sacrifice in their fertility festival, where they would tie me up, cut out my reproductive parts, and stew them up to be consumed by the women in the village to ensure their healthy fertility. Screaming at them about my current inability to have a baby made no impact. Really, brain? I didn't need that.

Step 1: drink tonight. Step 2: get to bed much earlier. Step 3: somehow fucking deal with all this.

I am not having fun.

My on-again, off-again, but currently current crack of choice, the stick figure RPG Kingdom of Loathing, has been experiencing server issues the past few days, so I have not been able to escape into slack.

Meanwhile, the baby-making has been a big disappointment and a literal pain. ( Baby/no baby limbo -> No baby. )

My joke about having Schrödinger's uterus is very bitter right now.

My period started yesterday. Judging by the cramps I've been having for two days, my body is eager to get rid of the whole reproductive system. I can't blame it.

This morning was yet another blood test. ( WE HATES THE BLOOD TESTS. )

The blood sample today will go towards checking my hCG levels and a chromosomal analysis. The husband has to go in sometime in the next couple of weeks to get a chromosome test, too. (He does have needle phobia, so that will be even less fun.)

I haven't talked to the doctor yet about what comes next; I think she wants to see the chromosome results, which will take a couple of weeks. I don't even know how much those will cost us. Supposedly the insurance is covering them, but considering they approved the most expensive ovulation drug and I still wound up paying over $100 for one course of it, I'm nervous, and that's with me steadfastly refusing to think about what happens if they find something's wrong.

In any case, I think I'm going to take a couple of months off from the fertility fight and try to relax, lose weight, and exercise. My 20 year high school reunion is coming up in July, and August is very con-heavy.

I could do with some luck and hugs right now.

I'm struggling here, guys.  Recent life events have felt like getting pecked to death by freaking ducks.

( If only I had the $$$ to throw at most of these problems )

It seems like a lot of other peole are feeling beat-down, too, with life really putting the 'con' in 'confluence of events'.  I prescribe huge monetary or other beneficial windfalls for us all.

Five weeks of problems
Four dabbling mechanics
Three exchanged batteries
Two swapped alternators
And a total cost of 500 dollars.

Yikes. The good news is, the husband's car is working again. The bad news is, the total price tag in time, labor, and actual money was ridiculous.

Many thanks to the BiLs and the_sween for all their efforts. Between going back to Farm 'n Fleet for new batteries, installing a new alternator in and out and in, and finally realizing the problem was in the wiring, it took a lot to get the car running. Given that the sucker is ancient, I shouldn't bitch too much. (Especially because a) car payments SUCK, and b) briefly living as a one-car household when we were used to two was not fun.)

So yeah. *PHEW* *knock on wood* Go imports!