S-M-R-T

[grammarwoman]

A few nights ago, the husband and I were talking to the Emperor’s day-care teacher during pick-up. She commented that he’d had a good day, aside from needing to have his group spot moved to the middle of the circle so he’d stop poking his neighbors. (That would be a “my son” problem, as I am relentlessly tactile with close friends and family. I think I pet the Emperor more often than the dog.)

She also brought up that she was starting to have some difficulties keeping him in sync academically, as he’s mastered the alphabet and the numbers 1-40 way ahead of many of his classmates, and the school’s mandate is to teach to the highest levels in the classroom. She thinks he’ll be reading soon and maybe even branching into multiplication. She mentioned that we must have worked with him a lot at home, to which we replied rather sheepishly that, no, not really, we just read to him quite a bit and talk with him. I managed to blurt out something to the effect that my husband and I are both gifted, so we’re pleased to see that he’s showing all the signs, too, and that we know all about busting the bell curve.

It’s such an awkward subject, you know? Even just posting this here with you guys, I feel all squirmy and “aw, shucks” even mentioning the word “gifted”. How do you mention in casual (or otherwise) conversation that you and your husband are both really smart, and that you met in a high school for really smart people, without coming off as raging egotists? To me, it’s just a part of who I am, nothing that I worked especially hard at or particularly earned. But I don’t want to be falsely modest about it or discount it, because I’m not willing to play dumb for conformity’s sake. I also do not want the Emperor to have to live through the negative experiences his parents have had, if we can avoid it. As much as I would love to think that his academic success is a result of our awesome parenting, I’m much more inclined to suspect that nature is winning through here, and that for once, his genetic inheritance is actually beneficial (I’m looking at you, defective ears/eyes/immune system!). (Of course, I’m also hoping that I’m not completely jinxing things. What if I’m jumping the gun and making unwarranted assumptions about his abilities? Or some random horrible accident happens? *deep breath* Not going there.)

So now I’m pondering just how much we should bring up with future teachers. Do we state up front, “Hey, we’re gifted, and so is our son”, and risk prejudicing the teacher against him and us? Or will the teacher be appreciative and say “Thanks for the info! This will help me fine-tune my approach to his education.”? Do we count on teacher evaluations to follow him through his academic career to spread the word for us? Do we tell the teacher “I’m sorry to add to your work level, but chances are you’ll really need to push him, or he’ll get bored and bad things may ensue.”?

I would love to hear from the parents, teachers, and others out there who have some experience with this.

Comments

[skywind8.livejournal.com]

I don't have as much to say on the parenting/teacher side, tho you may find http://www.sengifted.org/ and http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/ rather useful.

As for talking about giftedness... Sometimes I try to use words that are more concrete (like "I was already reading before kindergarten") rather than the word 'gifted' -- it steps around some of the social hot buttons and also gives more precise information. Also, just practicing saying it helps - I come across as far as less arrogant if I can be totally relaxed and casual mentioning it and then moving right along to what I'm saying next. I didn't get there by avoiding talking about it though.

Gifted can mean a lot of different things, and there are vast differences between "a little gifted" and "exceptionally gifted" - most of the people I knew via IMSA were on the very high end of the curve. So talking about the concrete ways it manifests may give more useful information to a teacher than trying to "name it" would, especially as a kid needs vastly more than the classroom is set up to support.

No matter how good the school, I think they would have had a hard time supporting a structured basic programming class when I was 5 years old in kindergarten. I was learning it successfully self-taught; I wonder how much faster I'd have gone with a little help. That's the sort of concrete manifestation of giftedness that could benefit from specific attention, and which someone might not even imagine from just hearing "is gifted".

[sabaceanbabe.livejournal.com]

Not that I have any experience in either parenting (my husband doesn't count -- neither do the dogs) or teaching (see above), but I agree with this. My only experience is from the receiving end: My brothers and sister taught me to read when I was 3 'cause they thought it was a hoot. My parents, on the other hand, paid no attention at all.

"Gifted" can have negative connotations along with the positive ones and it gives the one labeled as such something they either have to live up to or they have to prove is wrong. But telling his teachers that he likes to learn and that he's good at it and that they may have to push him a bit to keep him interested is a much clearer way of communicating what needs to be known, IMHO.

[zarfmouse.livejournal.com]

I agree with the concrete words thing too. I think "gifted" is something the teachers will want to determine for themselves (as a result of testing and extended observation) but "likes to learn" "already reads" "can multiply 5 digit numbers in his head" "has an uncanny memory" "needs to be challenged" are all things you can tell the teachers.