Pity party of one
Feb. 1st, 2014 11:52 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
grammarwomanUGH, my brain. I have been looking forward to Festivids for so long, but now that it's here, I am awash in ugly, brain-weasellish emotions.
I did a gift vid and a treat, and both of them garnered lovely comments from their recipients. But both vids had other entries in the same fandoms, which so far have garnered higher quality and quantity of comments. I don't even know if mine will wind up with as many comments as my previous Festivids entries have gotten.
I HATE this about myself, the obsessive checking and counting and measuring up against others. I go and rewatch my vids, and I don't think they suck that bad, but they aren't impressing other people, so am I totally deluded? How am I ever going to get better if I can't distinguish what's problematic in the first place?
I keep telling myself that I'm still a beginner, and I have to put in the work in, and I should be making these for myself first anyway and any other positive feedback I get is a bonus...and nope. Instead I'm finding myself sulking and upset, and completely in the wrong frame of mind to watch the bounty of vids.
Goddamn brain weasels.
I did a gift vid and a treat, and both of them garnered lovely comments from their recipients. But both vids had other entries in the same fandoms, which so far have garnered higher quality and quantity of comments. I don't even know if mine will wind up with as many comments as my previous Festivids entries have gotten.
I HATE this about myself, the obsessive checking and counting and measuring up against others. I go and rewatch my vids, and I don't think they suck that bad, but they aren't impressing other people, so am I totally deluded? How am I ever going to get better if I can't distinguish what's problematic in the first place?
I keep telling myself that I'm still a beginner, and I have to put in the work in, and I should be making these for myself first anyway and any other positive feedback I get is a bonus...and nope. Instead I'm finding myself sulking and upset, and completely in the wrong frame of mind to watch the bounty of vids.
Goddamn brain weasels.
(no subject)
Date: 2014-02-03 05:25 am (UTC)