The verdict is in
Mar. 6th, 2009 03:08 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
grammarwomanI am completely useless for work today. The most productive thing I've done is answer questions on a program that uses a procedure of which I am the reigning department champion. (Fortran ODBC calls to SQL Server – whee!) However, I've done a bunch of personal clean-up tasks that each took up ten minutes or less of brainpower. FSA paperwork, emails returned, library accounts cleaned up…anything to look busy.
I am tired, again, some more. I was supposed to be able to sleep in a bit this morning, as the conference at the Emperor's daycare was at 9 AM, a full 45 minutes later than I usually drop him off. However, the Emperor declared that he was "done sleeping" even earlier than usual, so my own snoozefest was more like a series of interrupted five-minute naps. Bleargh.
So the conference…It would have been much easier if I could have just continued to cast his teachers as the bad guys. But no, they have to be all sympathetic and understanding and supportive and nurturing. It was a sit-down with both teachers and the head of the pre-school section of daycare, whose name I didn't even catch. (Strike one against me.) She proceeded to give me the good news/bad news reasons for the meeting.
Essentially, the Emperor is a big-hearted kid, full of affection for his teachers and friends, extra-sharp at academics, chatty as a magpie, and in most ways a well-liked guy. However, he's got very little body control, that, combined with his size and strength, results in bowling over his classmates without even thinking about it (muscles his way to the front of lines, knocks people over when he hugs them, etc.). Plus, he is always touching everyone (hugs, leaning, shirt grabbing) when he should be keeping his hands to himself. (Unfortunately, he gets this straight from me. I am a tactile addict.) He also has attention span problems, where he loses focus easily and gets distracted. Conversely, he always wants to be the center of attention, so he's the loudest in conversations and doesn't take well to being told to wait and be patient.
All these would be tolerable and gently corrected, but the main problem is his aggression. He gets mad really easily, and when he gets mad, he gets physical – punching, kicking, shoving, you name it. I had no idea that they were having regular problems with him. Evidently, it's bad enough that they have to remove him from the class several times a day. Other kids' parents are even concerned, as their kids are namechecking the Emperor, saying that he pushed them or hurt them in some way. Obviously, this is a big issue.
I must admit that I went into the meeting with a chip on my shoulder. I relaxed a bit when they qualified their suggestion to see his doctor with the admission that they weren't just saying to put him on meds, but to see if there were any underlying physical problems, or suggestions the doctor could make. Plus, the lack of activity is not the issue; from what they said, he's just as inclined to be a space-case or hothead when they come in from a long outside activity. It was still hard to sit there and listen to them tell me that my kid is fundamentally flawed.
They talked a lot (like, OMG A LOT) about their education philosophy, The Nurtured Heart approach, which basically states that kids need to have positive behavior constantly and consistently rewarded, while negative behavior gets as minimized a reaction as possible. Sounds like a no-brainer, right? But it's going to take some work on our parts, where we have to remember to praise the good stuff and not get mad at the bad.
I mean, how can I say this without sounding like a total bitch: I get so tired of him needing me so damned hard all the time. I want ten minutes to cook dinner without "Yes, that's a great picture" and "No, don't go into that drawer" and "I SAID, don't go in to that drawer" and "No, you can't have more cheese" and "We don't have time to do Play-Do" and so on. I hope that following this system means I'm going to trade all the time I spend on negative attention, all the STOPs and NOs and DON'Ts, and have only occasional positive attention instead.
So now I'm investigating reward charts and point systems and all the parental work the real world requires, that we probably should have been doing all along. Plus, I'm going to make the damned doctor appointment and hope she can give us useful advice and not just a prescription.
Wish me luck and patience, guys.
I am tired, again, some more. I was supposed to be able to sleep in a bit this morning, as the conference at the Emperor's daycare was at 9 AM, a full 45 minutes later than I usually drop him off. However, the Emperor declared that he was "done sleeping" even earlier than usual, so my own snoozefest was more like a series of interrupted five-minute naps. Bleargh.
So the conference…It would have been much easier if I could have just continued to cast his teachers as the bad guys. But no, they have to be all sympathetic and understanding and supportive and nurturing. It was a sit-down with both teachers and the head of the pre-school section of daycare, whose name I didn't even catch. (Strike one against me.) She proceeded to give me the good news/bad news reasons for the meeting.
Essentially, the Emperor is a big-hearted kid, full of affection for his teachers and friends, extra-sharp at academics, chatty as a magpie, and in most ways a well-liked guy. However, he's got very little body control, that, combined with his size and strength, results in bowling over his classmates without even thinking about it (muscles his way to the front of lines, knocks people over when he hugs them, etc.). Plus, he is always touching everyone (hugs, leaning, shirt grabbing) when he should be keeping his hands to himself. (Unfortunately, he gets this straight from me. I am a tactile addict.) He also has attention span problems, where he loses focus easily and gets distracted. Conversely, he always wants to be the center of attention, so he's the loudest in conversations and doesn't take well to being told to wait and be patient.
All these would be tolerable and gently corrected, but the main problem is his aggression. He gets mad really easily, and when he gets mad, he gets physical – punching, kicking, shoving, you name it. I had no idea that they were having regular problems with him. Evidently, it's bad enough that they have to remove him from the class several times a day. Other kids' parents are even concerned, as their kids are namechecking the Emperor, saying that he pushed them or hurt them in some way. Obviously, this is a big issue.
I must admit that I went into the meeting with a chip on my shoulder. I relaxed a bit when they qualified their suggestion to see his doctor with the admission that they weren't just saying to put him on meds, but to see if there were any underlying physical problems, or suggestions the doctor could make. Plus, the lack of activity is not the issue; from what they said, he's just as inclined to be a space-case or hothead when they come in from a long outside activity. It was still hard to sit there and listen to them tell me that my kid is fundamentally flawed.
They talked a lot (like, OMG A LOT) about their education philosophy, The Nurtured Heart approach, which basically states that kids need to have positive behavior constantly and consistently rewarded, while negative behavior gets as minimized a reaction as possible. Sounds like a no-brainer, right? But it's going to take some work on our parts, where we have to remember to praise the good stuff and not get mad at the bad.
I mean, how can I say this without sounding like a total bitch: I get so tired of him needing me so damned hard all the time. I want ten minutes to cook dinner without "Yes, that's a great picture" and "No, don't go into that drawer" and "I SAID, don't go in to that drawer" and "No, you can't have more cheese" and "We don't have time to do Play-Do" and so on. I hope that following this system means I'm going to trade all the time I spend on negative attention, all the STOPs and NOs and DON'Ts, and have only occasional positive attention instead.
So now I'm investigating reward charts and point systems and all the parental work the real world requires, that we probably should have been doing all along. Plus, I'm going to make the damned doctor appointment and hope she can give us useful advice and not just a prescription.
Wish me luck and patience, guys.
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(no subject)
Date: 2009-03-06 09:52 pm (UTC)Oh woman, I can understand this so much (not saying the Emperor is like either of my boys, but... you know what I mean). I think eventually -- and I'm kind of getting there myself -- you start going into these things just knowing you have a unique and beautiful snowflake child, who is entirely awesome but just not exactly like other kids. So, you have to work with his teachers to make him the best he can be, but find a way to not obsess about his possible
flawsidiosyncracies (they're all unique anyway).I took P to his kindergarten registration today, which is sadly at a different school than the one that's learned how to work so well with him. I'm going to have to restart the process. I'll have to develop a new system for the teacher to communicate with me everday so we can reward (or not reward) at home for his behavior, make sure he's with teachers that understand how to work with a child who is both gifted and incredibly stubborn, etc.
(I don't know if yours is old enough, but one of the things that has worked really well with our older one is if he has a set of 1-5 privileges he gets to do at home. His behavior at school decides whether he gets these privileges at home (2-15 minute sets on his Nintendo DS, watching 30 minutes of a movie he wants, a cookie, and/or go to bed 15 minutes later). We've finally worked out a thumb system. Thumbs up he gets all his privileges, medium-thumb he gets half, and thumbs down he gets none. If he gets a week straight of thumbs up he gets a special treat. It works well for us.
Anyway, it's an idea.)
(no subject)
Date: 2009-03-10 05:50 pm (UTC)I love that system - it sounds very doable for us. The Emperor is definitely old enough to be bribed and understand consequences.