Spinning on that dizzy edge

The vet's office called earlier this week, letting us know that Mika's ashes were ready to be picked up. This afternoon I retrieved the Emperor from his after-school program and went to get them. He was very sweet, wrapping his arms around me and looking up with a very serious expression, as I struggled to get through the paperwork and bill without completely breaking down. Bringing home her ashes makes her death seem so final, like she's just been somewhere else for all this time, but now I have to face the fact that she's really gone. I miss her with almost everything I do at home. When I come downstairs in the morning or get home from work, there's no fuzzy girl to coax outside. When I eat pizza or slice up some chicken to pack in my lunch, there's no vocal dog begging for scraps. Every time I walk by the living room, I glance in the bay window where her perch was, only to be reminded that she's not there to fill it any more.

This weekend I'm hoping to get some cleaning done as the first step for getting the house ready to bring home another dog. Plus, the carpet in the living is kinda gross at this point, what with the effects of an elderly dog who wasn't too aware about where she relieved herself. I just have to get over the feeling that I'm betraying her memory by wiping away the signs of her life here.

Work has been annoying. I feel like I have to fight for every scrap of information I can get; I think they forget that since I'm a remote worker, I'm not there for their meetings or hallway chats or lunchroom discussions. I'd be happy to make the necessary changes, if people only let me know what the hell they were. Knowing why, or who made the decisions, would be a pleasant bonus.

I have the tiniest bit of disappointment that I'm not going to Dragon*Con this weekend, but I desperately need a weekend at home to sleep and recoup, so I'm grateful to get three days to do so. The Emperor is in his third week of school already, and I still haven't managed to adjust my bedtime to the earlier wake-up.

TGTF, y'all.

I had a very odd run recently of coming across small items that I'd written off as permanently misplaced: a USB drive that I'd emptied out my purse (twice!) to find, only to have it turn up in a mini notebook in the purse; an earbud cover for my work headphones that rolled up under my foot after being gone for months; and a mini Sharpie marker, normally kept in my purse, that mysteriously migrated outside amidst seedlings to be planted. I'm pleased to have them all back again, but at the same time I'm a little worried that karma or Fate or Something is softening me up for a bigger loss.

The impending loss that I'm most afraid of is my beloved dog Mika. ( My dog is a very very very fine dog )But 2002 was a long time ago. She's at least 13 or 14 now, with the average life spans of her mixed breeds being 12-15 years, and slowing way down. She's reached an elderly, IDGAF state of mind, begging for table scraps with an eardrum-piercing teakettle whine and blatantly abusing my thumb-wielding status to let her out a bunch of times in a short span. She hasn't noticeably grayed in her muzzle, but she's definitely stiffer getting up and down, and I can see her visibly decide "Oh, fuck it" when wildlife dares to cross her line of sight. She'll still get her bark on when other dogs walk by her house on her sidewalk, and the doorbell and ringing of the phone are abominations requiring corrective yelps.

She's my pumpkin butter, my Princess Fluffybutt, my sweetheart girl. I still get an excited greeting when I come home, though most of that is her anticipation of getting to go outside and check out the front yard for peemail left by other critters. She's the first dog I ever had as adult, and she is mine and I am hers through and through. My heart will be absolutely broken when her time comes; I can only hope it will be quick and painless.

A couple of weekends ago, our good friends the_sween and hecateuse proposed that since it was such a beautiful day, we should go fly kites. They drove over with revjack and we took the wagon to our nearby park, along with their dog Lance and our Mika.

In the rush to get everything together (snacks, drinks, bubbles, kite equipment), we completely biffed on bringing a camera. Luckily, revjack brought his.

We had a great time that day, flying our cheap kites and dashing back and forth from the playground. The dogs even behaved themselves. However, the Emperor now wants to fly kites every chance he gets; when I pointed out last weekend that the cold and rain would not be a good day to go outside, he suggested that we put on warm coats and boots. *sigh*

Anyway, we recently got copies of the pictures from revjack, and it being Friday and all, I figured I'd share some with you guys.
( Pictures: Cute Kid with Kite. )
Happy Friday, everybody!

We are so lucky to have such an awesome dog. Case in point: ( ’Ware the Cuteness )

Speaking of luck, Happy St. Patrick’s Day, all!