Fierce mamas unite!

[grammarwoman]

For garrity, 'cuz she's my hero:

http://womanishwords.blogspot.com/2006/02/beloved-and-necessary-bitchery.html

I only wish I could be that strong; instead, when it comes to confrontation, I'm a total marshmallow.

Comments

[garrity.livejournal.com]

Wowsera, is she good.

You know her in RL?

[grammarwoman]

Nah -- I came across a link to that on Blogging Baby (great site, BTW). I just thought you'd appreciate it.

[revjack.livejournal.com]

How come when women stand up and say, "I'm a bitch!" it's this power-reclaiming sort of thing, whereas when men up and say "I'm an asshole!" they're just assholes?

[grammarwoman]

Because the behavior exhibited by women that gets them called bitches is showing their power and other positive things, whereas men being assholes are demonstrating negative qualities?

[revjack.livejournal.com]

...such as?

What negative qualities are a man demonstrating when he's called an asshole, that women aren't demonstrating when they're called bitches?

With power comes alienation and insults...to quote from your article:

I will no longer fall for that bullshit a man gives me about how he is looking after me when really he is trying to amass more power over me, subtly threatening me, trying to remind me that being a woman I am weak and in need of his his authority, that if I challenge him and piss him off then he will remove his supposed protection and I will be in danger.

The thing is, this kind of power-play has nothing to do with being a woman. That's pretty much the relationship between anyone with power and those without power. To win at this game is to become an asshole or a bitch...suddenly you're the one with power, and folks have to do what you think is right, but the folks who disagree will think nasty things about you. It doesn't make your behavior any more or less excusable just because you're a woman...if you want to grasp for power like that, you're no better than "patriarchy’s soulless men."

I'm reminded of the conversation we're having on notesfiles about career paths and success. I observe, from friends who approach this sort of thing from a "feminist" angle, a desire to have their cake and eat it, too...to participate in the rat race while condemning it at the same time. It's a rather infuriating double-standard. If you're being a bitch, there ain't nothing good or empowered about it, any moreso than when the men you know act like assholes. Welcome to the same catch-22 that men have always had to live with.