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Après debout, le déluge
Jul. 16th, 2017 08:04 pmI spend so long pondering things to post and the titles that go with them that many options come and go.
Forgive my crappy French, but a riff on "Après nous, le déluge" seemed appropriate, seeing as ( The revenge of the monstrual cycle )
In a word, I am tired. Could be the anemia, the exasperation in not knowing why my uterus hates me, the failure of contractors to call me back already (the backyard jungle is taunting me at this point), the dread and resentment of the anniversary party (more on that in a bit), or just that the sheer mental load of it all (that link, OMG - the "there's a phrase for that? I'm not the only one?" solidarity almost outweighs the depressing realization of how prevalent it is in my life) is weighing me down. ( Weight discussion and resolutions )
I wish that my conflicted (dread! excitement! happiness at seeing people! resentment!) feelings about the party and Vividcon weren't bleeding into each other, so I'm trying to redirect the anxiety into steps to be accomplished instead. Then my mother calls with more details and I sink back into hair-pulling irritation. She has an uncanny ability to blithely assign me things that I don't want to do (decide on a menu with my brother, plan out where everything should go in the house, be prepared to make a speech to the crowd, brainstorm decorations) and offer to outsource the tasks that I would actually choose (make a photo-collage vid, fill in from the public library the music she wants but doesn't own). I did the math the other day; I've made or remastered six vids since January, so my brain is a little bit crunchy on that front. But my husband knows me well and has already told me not to stress out about making their anniversary vid a cinematic masterpiece. Bless him and his ongoing support in all this mess.
I made a last-minute overnight trip to see some friends Friday night; it was an emotional visit, talking about where our lives have gone since the halcyon days of our young adulthood. (Of the half-dozen weddings we went to in the year after the Emperor was born, four of them have or are in the process of splitting up. Adulthood can really suck.) It was a good time, but tiring; I got back Saturday afternoon to do some grocery shopping and home to cook dinner. I collapsed early last night and slept a whole bunch, then made some waffled cinnamon rolls from a can (different but good) and baked & broiled breakfast sausages (SO YUMMY) for brunch this morning. Since then, I have spent almost the whole day on the couch, catching up on the internet in between runs to the bathroom and cursory poking at household needs. I definitely needed a day of rest.
I am happy about the recent Doctor Who casting news (though this reminds me that I need to go back and catch the latest season). The "Wrinkle in Time" trailer makes my young sci-fi nerd heart sing (and Chris Pine as the greying dad means my current fangirl heart is very happy). The Emperor continues to be a challenge and a joy to raise; even the difficult discussions have some sweetness to them, as I thank him for sharing his concerns with me rather than bottling them up and letting them fester inside. Most days I feel like a lazy cop-out on the mom front, but as long as I can help him develop into an emotionally healthy and independent adult, I'll try to acknowledge that success.
Forgive my crappy French, but a riff on "Après nous, le déluge" seemed appropriate, seeing as ( The revenge of the monstrual cycle )
In a word, I am tired. Could be the anemia, the exasperation in not knowing why my uterus hates me, the failure of contractors to call me back already (the backyard jungle is taunting me at this point), the dread and resentment of the anniversary party (more on that in a bit), or just that the sheer mental load of it all (that link, OMG - the "there's a phrase for that? I'm not the only one?" solidarity almost outweighs the depressing realization of how prevalent it is in my life) is weighing me down. ( Weight discussion and resolutions )
I wish that my conflicted (dread! excitement! happiness at seeing people! resentment!) feelings about the party and Vividcon weren't bleeding into each other, so I'm trying to redirect the anxiety into steps to be accomplished instead. Then my mother calls with more details and I sink back into hair-pulling irritation. She has an uncanny ability to blithely assign me things that I don't want to do (decide on a menu with my brother, plan out where everything should go in the house, be prepared to make a speech to the crowd, brainstorm decorations) and offer to outsource the tasks that I would actually choose (make a photo-collage vid, fill in from the public library the music she wants but doesn't own). I did the math the other day; I've made or remastered six vids since January, so my brain is a little bit crunchy on that front. But my husband knows me well and has already told me not to stress out about making their anniversary vid a cinematic masterpiece. Bless him and his ongoing support in all this mess.
I made a last-minute overnight trip to see some friends Friday night; it was an emotional visit, talking about where our lives have gone since the halcyon days of our young adulthood. (Of the half-dozen weddings we went to in the year after the Emperor was born, four of them have or are in the process of splitting up. Adulthood can really suck.) It was a good time, but tiring; I got back Saturday afternoon to do some grocery shopping and home to cook dinner. I collapsed early last night and slept a whole bunch, then made some waffled cinnamon rolls from a can (different but good) and baked & broiled breakfast sausages (SO YUMMY) for brunch this morning. Since then, I have spent almost the whole day on the couch, catching up on the internet in between runs to the bathroom and cursory poking at household needs. I definitely needed a day of rest.
I am happy about the recent Doctor Who casting news (though this reminds me that I need to go back and catch the latest season). The "Wrinkle in Time" trailer makes my young sci-fi nerd heart sing (and Chris Pine as the greying dad means my current fangirl heart is very happy). The Emperor continues to be a challenge and a joy to raise; even the difficult discussions have some sweetness to them, as I thank him for sharing his concerns with me rather than bottling them up and letting them fester inside. Most days I feel like a lazy cop-out on the mom front, but as long as I can help him develop into an emotionally healthy and independent adult, I'll try to acknowledge that success.
