Boundaries WHY SO HARD

( How bad am I at boundaries? THIS BAD. )

So here I sit, guts churning and brain locked about a simple fucking phone call where I say, "Sure, Mom, I'll be there, but it will be around dinnertime instead of the afternoon." I have written and trashed a bunch of mental scripts (with many thanks to Captain Awkward and her amazing words), trying to steel myself to sit firm with my decision.

Wish me luck and strength. (And as always, fuck cancer.)

Maleficent makes for excellent big girl panties

(Alas, Torrid doesn't seem to have them currently in stock.)

So wow, today was A Day. Crappy night's sleep, hours of meetings, kid forgetting his therapy appointment (we were late, but made it), kid resistant to acknowledging that trying and failing is still worth recognizing (thank you for the backup, therapist!), then off to the music store to buy more band materials, then to percussion lessons, then patience-sapping arguments about the unfairness of a world geared towards right-handed people, and the gendered pay gap, and his inability to have an open mind during discussions (you are 13, young man, and though you may feel like the internet is your teacher, a whole bunch of people know more than you do! INCLUDING YOUR MOTHER), then home, then more work to make up for the hours missed. Hi, 8 PM, how are you?

Then, bolstered by the wonderfully supportive comments from Team Me in the last post (Thank you everybody!), and armored in my villainous undergarment, I called my mom. Who was not pleased, but because of company, could only give me quietly upset voice instead of yelling. Because she had intended it to be a day trip? (She never mentioned that.) And didn't think it was a good idea if I went up by myself on Sunday. (Despite have said previously that I need quality time with my brother.) And because of the house guests, she'd have to talk to my dad and wouldn't be able to get back to me until Thursday, and couldn't understand why I was changing my mind when I'd already agreed. (Ignoring the "I think that sounds OK, but I have to talk to the family.")

Self, "It is okay if others get angry." Self, "It is okay to say no." Self, enjoy your glass of sangria and sleep all the sleeps tonight.