What I Want
Jan. 19th, 2007 04:38 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
grammarwomanI want time at home to do things, both stuff that is necessary for the maintenance of order and/or sanity, and personally fulfulling things. I want at least as much time for these things as my husband has, which, seeing as he’s unemployed and therefore has his days free, means I wind up feeling grouchy, unappreciated, and always behind. I want to be able to ask him to do things for me during my work day that I can’t do since I’m here and he’s there, without him forgetting or getting pissy or whining that I’m overloading him.
I want my husband to get a job. I want him to work on getting a job without my having to nudge him or nag him. I want him to be productive at home and not waste his whole day with video games, smoke breaks in the garage, and nap time because he can’t be bothered to go to bed at a reasonable hour. I want him to wake up in the morning without being a complete asshole to everyone. I don’t expect him to be all flowers and sunshine, but I do want to not have my head snapped off or have him grouch at the Emperor for no reason, especially when our son’s being charming and sweet and wishing his daddy a good morning. I want him to realize and acknowledge that this is not an unreasonable or impossible thing to want.
I want to go on regular dates with my husband, where we actually leave the house and the kid behind and just be a couple. I want to not feel guilty about spending time and money on these occasions.
I want my son to be able to play by himself without my having to sit right there with him. I want to be able to work on my own project in the same room with him so I’m both doing something for myself and spending time with him, without his insisting on interfering with my project or that I stop what I’m doing and do his thing instead. I want him to watch where he’s walking, or at least stop looking so indignant that he tripped over what he failed to notice. I want him to actually play with some of the electronic toys that he got for Christmas so I don’t feel like I wasted people’s money by putting those items on his wish list.
I want to be a stronger parent for his sake and put some limits on his behavior, like no pacifiers during awake time or watching TV for a much smaller portion of the day, instead of giving in due to guilty feelings and avoidance of whining and crying. I want to model a better life for him by being active and happy, instead of always sitting and being lazy.
I want to do a better job of documenting his life. I want to go back and update his baby book, so he has something to read about his first years and doesn’t think that I didn’t care enough to take any notes. I want him to know what he was like, so he has a baseline for when he has kids.
I want to stop watching so much goddamned TV myself. The DVR has been a double-edged sword; it’s been wonderful to not have to depend on setting the VCR to record my shows, but it’s also been far too easy to record the slightest passing fancy and then “have” to sit down and watch it before the machine fills up its storage. I want to stop wasting my time on entertainment crack like Kingdom of Loathing that gives me the illusion of productivity but leaves me feeling empty and idle afterwards.
I want to cook dinner for my family on a regular basis. I want to expose the Emperor to all different kinds of foods and encourage him to keep trying them, so he doesn’t continue to be such a picky eater. I want all of us to eat better. I want to use up all the contents of my fridge and freezer and not let a significant portion of our grocery bill go to waste on a regular basis.
I want exercise my creative skills, by writing and sewing and cooking and using up the two closets of crafty crap I keep in my office. I want to organize this office so the closets don’t explode on me every time I open them. I want to take the tons of magazines I’ve been marking and storing, and turn them into binders of relevant information. I want to be able to recycle these magazines even without going through them, because I am not the Internet and can’t store all that data, without feeling like I’m wasting their potential information. I want to give myself permission to throw things away, even if they might be useful in the future, because they’re cluttering up my life now.
I want to write more often, because I think I’m good at it and I need to get the damned words out of my head anyway so they stop bothering me. I want to write down all my Mary Sue fanfic to see just how bad it really is, and then work on better ones.
I want another kid. I want a little girl that I can name Molly Jeanne. I want to teach her how to be a strong, happy, active, self-confident woman without sabotaging her self-worth and handicapping her talents. I want to avoid making the same mistakes with her that my mother made with me.
I want my family to be generating more income so we can make some home improvements before the house completely falls apart. I want to fix the roof so it stops dripping in the TV room during heavy rain, replace the windows so all the screens and storms slide up and down without leaking or needing props, reroute the water drainage on the back of the house so the screen porch doesn’t completely rot away, and repaint the garage exterior and porch ceilings where the paint is peeling or completely gone. I want to be able to hire a cleaning service to come in twice a month so my house is occasionally totally clean, and we’re not living in a completely gross environment. I want to pay off our ridiculous credit card debt. I want to contribute to retirement plans and college savings for the Emperor.
I want the time and energy to able to keep up with the landscaping and gardening. I want beautiful beds of flowers that make me smile to see them. I want to can the excess tomatoes, dry the herbs, and grow more veggies that my family will eat. I want to spend more time outside. I want the weather to accommodate this.
I want a different job. I want to work at a place where I don’t feel that my co-workers are all small-minded, ignorant, conservative hypocrites. I want to make friends, the kind of friends that I can invite over to my house and hang out with them socially. I want to look forward to going to my job, to feel that the work I’m doing is appreciated, to be praised for doing a good job, to be challenged into doing a better one. I want a reasonable vacation schedule and a flexible work environment. I want to be able to surf and do whatever as long as I’m getting my assignments done and in a timely manner. I want my company to not be completely backwards in technology. I want a boss who recognizes that I’m an excellent programmer, and that if I wanted to be a manager or hold some other advanced position, I’d have applied for that job instead.
I want to lose weight, or more specifically, lose fat. I want to limit the cottage cheese to being in my fridge and not on my thighs. I want to stop putting food in my mouth for reasons other than the fact that I'm hungry. I want to fit in my current clothes and the smaller sizes I’ve been hanging on to, and not have to buy larger ones. I want the body I took for granted 10 years ago. I want to stop feeling so resentful about doing maintenance work for my body and just be grateful that I’m in as good of health as I am. I want to keep myself healthy for my own sake and that of my family. I want to live to be a spirited and happy umpity-great-grandmother of 102.
I want to do a better job of keeping in touch with my family and friends. I want to talk to them on the phone, write in their blogs, send them letters and packages that let them know that I’m thinking of them, and actually see them more often than once a decade. I want to have them and our families visit us more often, so the Emperor knows he’s part of a large community of people that love him and each other.
I want to get out of the house more. I want to find a passion like knitting or belly-dancing that produces a result and broadens my horizons, so I’m something more than a trivia-obsessed, sci-fi/fantasy reading dork who can’t even quote her favorite works.
I want to feel like I’ve made a difference in this world, whether that’s in being a dependable friend, creating an amazing piece of software, writing a remarkable novel, or raising children so they become wonderful human beings.
So, what do you want?
I want my husband to get a job. I want him to work on getting a job without my having to nudge him or nag him. I want him to be productive at home and not waste his whole day with video games, smoke breaks in the garage, and nap time because he can’t be bothered to go to bed at a reasonable hour. I want him to wake up in the morning without being a complete asshole to everyone. I don’t expect him to be all flowers and sunshine, but I do want to not have my head snapped off or have him grouch at the Emperor for no reason, especially when our son’s being charming and sweet and wishing his daddy a good morning. I want him to realize and acknowledge that this is not an unreasonable or impossible thing to want.
I want to go on regular dates with my husband, where we actually leave the house and the kid behind and just be a couple. I want to not feel guilty about spending time and money on these occasions.
I want my son to be able to play by himself without my having to sit right there with him. I want to be able to work on my own project in the same room with him so I’m both doing something for myself and spending time with him, without his insisting on interfering with my project or that I stop what I’m doing and do his thing instead. I want him to watch where he’s walking, or at least stop looking so indignant that he tripped over what he failed to notice. I want him to actually play with some of the electronic toys that he got for Christmas so I don’t feel like I wasted people’s money by putting those items on his wish list.
I want to be a stronger parent for his sake and put some limits on his behavior, like no pacifiers during awake time or watching TV for a much smaller portion of the day, instead of giving in due to guilty feelings and avoidance of whining and crying. I want to model a better life for him by being active and happy, instead of always sitting and being lazy.
I want to do a better job of documenting his life. I want to go back and update his baby book, so he has something to read about his first years and doesn’t think that I didn’t care enough to take any notes. I want him to know what he was like, so he has a baseline for when he has kids.
I want to stop watching so much goddamned TV myself. The DVR has been a double-edged sword; it’s been wonderful to not have to depend on setting the VCR to record my shows, but it’s also been far too easy to record the slightest passing fancy and then “have” to sit down and watch it before the machine fills up its storage. I want to stop wasting my time on entertainment crack like Kingdom of Loathing that gives me the illusion of productivity but leaves me feeling empty and idle afterwards.
I want to cook dinner for my family on a regular basis. I want to expose the Emperor to all different kinds of foods and encourage him to keep trying them, so he doesn’t continue to be such a picky eater. I want all of us to eat better. I want to use up all the contents of my fridge and freezer and not let a significant portion of our grocery bill go to waste on a regular basis.
I want exercise my creative skills, by writing and sewing and cooking and using up the two closets of crafty crap I keep in my office. I want to organize this office so the closets don’t explode on me every time I open them. I want to take the tons of magazines I’ve been marking and storing, and turn them into binders of relevant information. I want to be able to recycle these magazines even without going through them, because I am not the Internet and can’t store all that data, without feeling like I’m wasting their potential information. I want to give myself permission to throw things away, even if they might be useful in the future, because they’re cluttering up my life now.
I want to write more often, because I think I’m good at it and I need to get the damned words out of my head anyway so they stop bothering me. I want to write down all my Mary Sue fanfic to see just how bad it really is, and then work on better ones.
I want another kid. I want a little girl that I can name Molly Jeanne. I want to teach her how to be a strong, happy, active, self-confident woman without sabotaging her self-worth and handicapping her talents. I want to avoid making the same mistakes with her that my mother made with me.
I want my family to be generating more income so we can make some home improvements before the house completely falls apart. I want to fix the roof so it stops dripping in the TV room during heavy rain, replace the windows so all the screens and storms slide up and down without leaking or needing props, reroute the water drainage on the back of the house so the screen porch doesn’t completely rot away, and repaint the garage exterior and porch ceilings where the paint is peeling or completely gone. I want to be able to hire a cleaning service to come in twice a month so my house is occasionally totally clean, and we’re not living in a completely gross environment. I want to pay off our ridiculous credit card debt. I want to contribute to retirement plans and college savings for the Emperor.
I want the time and energy to able to keep up with the landscaping and gardening. I want beautiful beds of flowers that make me smile to see them. I want to can the excess tomatoes, dry the herbs, and grow more veggies that my family will eat. I want to spend more time outside. I want the weather to accommodate this.
I want a different job. I want to work at a place where I don’t feel that my co-workers are all small-minded, ignorant, conservative hypocrites. I want to make friends, the kind of friends that I can invite over to my house and hang out with them socially. I want to look forward to going to my job, to feel that the work I’m doing is appreciated, to be praised for doing a good job, to be challenged into doing a better one. I want a reasonable vacation schedule and a flexible work environment. I want to be able to surf and do whatever as long as I’m getting my assignments done and in a timely manner. I want my company to not be completely backwards in technology. I want a boss who recognizes that I’m an excellent programmer, and that if I wanted to be a manager or hold some other advanced position, I’d have applied for that job instead.
I want to lose weight, or more specifically, lose fat. I want to limit the cottage cheese to being in my fridge and not on my thighs. I want to stop putting food in my mouth for reasons other than the fact that I'm hungry. I want to fit in my current clothes and the smaller sizes I’ve been hanging on to, and not have to buy larger ones. I want the body I took for granted 10 years ago. I want to stop feeling so resentful about doing maintenance work for my body and just be grateful that I’m in as good of health as I am. I want to keep myself healthy for my own sake and that of my family. I want to live to be a spirited and happy umpity-great-grandmother of 102.
I want to do a better job of keeping in touch with my family and friends. I want to talk to them on the phone, write in their blogs, send them letters and packages that let them know that I’m thinking of them, and actually see them more often than once a decade. I want to have them and our families visit us more often, so the Emperor knows he’s part of a large community of people that love him and each other.
I want to get out of the house more. I want to find a passion like knitting or belly-dancing that produces a result and broadens my horizons, so I’m something more than a trivia-obsessed, sci-fi/fantasy reading dork who can’t even quote her favorite works.
I want to feel like I’ve made a difference in this world, whether that’s in being a dependable friend, creating an amazing piece of software, writing a remarkable novel, or raising children so they become wonderful human beings.
So, what do you want?
