Awkward question post

[grammarwoman]

Please forgive me if this comes off sounding ignorant or dismissive, but: how does one get into therapy? I mean, the why/how/whos of it all. Is it to talk to someone who won't judge you, and how is that different from talking to a close friend? Do they give you advice? How do you find one? How do you know you've reached a tipping point that it's a good idea to get one?

The fertility clinic suggested that I talk to someone about donor eggs; I assume that's because they can give me some more medical information, as well as tools and scripts for the future.

But I also want to find a therapist for the Emperor, hopefully someone with experience working with gifted kids who can help him with his presumed spontaneous existential depression, or what we've taken to referring as his Bad Thoughts: what's the point of life if everyone's going to die? How can we be happy? How do we find meaning?

This self-awareness thing can be a royal pain in the ass.

Comments

content note for frank discussion of depression and suicidality

[recessional]

Mleh. I am too braindead to work out the words for answers to your other questions, so I hope someone else will come along, but I sort of have words for one of them (as I have recently explained myself on the subject to someone else), so I'll toss them out:

and how is that different from talking to a close friend?

They're not part of your life or social circle, so you don't have to think about the impact of what you're saying: you can talk really freely because it literally doesn't MATTER what they think of you qua you.

I'll go with a really stark example: when I am badly depressed, I am suicidal. Talking to friends about this, I have to deal with a bunch of shit. I have to deal with their distress and worry. I have to deal with their potential guilt. I have to deal with the fact that this conversation will continue to be a context for how they treat me for weeks if not months if not longer, because "at risk of killing herself" is going to be something they think about - have to think about. Are they agreeing to help me with something because they ACTUALLY have the time/energy/interest, or because they're worried about me? Etc.

But I'd still like to unburden myself about how messed up it is I'm constantly bombarded by [image/scenario], or how difficult it is to plan when my brain keeps tossing up "or you could kill yourself" as a viable option, etc, etc. Psych is a safe place to do that because it doesn't matter what she does, thinks, says or believes outside of the hour I spend in her office.

Mental health professionals aren't actually part of your life. You don't have to deal with them as a part of your general social fabric - and it can be surprising to discover just how much one HAS been self-editing, or eliding, or so on, because "won't judge me" isn't the same as "this admission won't have an impact on my relationship(s)".

Re: content note for frank discussion of depression and suicidality

[harempriestess]

Everything above is what I was going to say!! ;)

I truly believe that therapy is hugely responsible for my continuing existence, amongst other things. But without it I wouldn't be functioning as well as I am now.

They're not being a part of your social life is a huge part. Not only are you having to deal with your friends reactions to what you're going through, you also have to deal with advice from incredibly well-meaning but often times completely clueless people. I've got chronic, severe clinical depression and a raft of personality issues due to it and my upbringing. Therefore while I understand being depressed, I have absolutely no idea what it means to be depressed in regards to what you've been going through.

Ask doctors you trust, even friends perhaps. And much like depression meds, the first or second or even the third therapist may not be quite right. That can cause some hassles but in my experience you usually know it's not a good fit by the end of the first session.

Sometimes talking to a friend or family member can be good, especially when you simply need someone to cry to or vent to or what not. But therapists have studied this stuff, and can give advice, give you tools. It all sounds cliche but honestly, I learned so many new ways to do things in therapy that I'd never thought of before and that without I wouldn't be feeling hopeful for the future.

His school might also be a good place to inquire for the Emperor. It's sad they don't have more direct access to therapists or counselors at school, but they often at least know where to start.

Consider that first session a kind of two-way interview. They want to get into why you need help, but you have to learn where they're coming from, what their background is. For example, due to my complete lack of any connection to religion, when a therapist said something "inspirational" and god-related, I knew she wasn't for me (for many reasons to numerous to list and which are completely irrelevant to this). But it could also be personality-based, or they're not having experience with issues similar to yours.

And sometimes, they do judge you. And sometimes they have to call you on your crap if it's causing you to stay stuck. They may do it in a number of ways, though mine literally called me out like my Mom would. And a child psychologist will know how to do it with kids better than a general psychologist.

It's awkward at times, but honestly, problems of all shapes (size doesn't count here; if you need therapy, you need therapy) can be helped with therapy, I honestly believe that.

And good luck with whatever you choose to do <3

Re: content note for frank discussion of depression and suicidality

[grammarwoman]

Oh my goodness, this is all so incredibly helpful - thank you so much! I will be referring back to this as we go through the process.

Re: content note for frank discussion of depression and suicidality

[grammarwoman]

I am so touched that you shared this with me! I really appreciate hearing how and why it works for you. That gives me a lot to think about. Thank you!