Kim (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
grammarwoman) wrote2023-08-06 08:58 pm
grammarwoman) wrote2023-08-06 08:58 pm
Entry tags:
new year who dis
Brains are dumb and made of meat. Where have I been for (checks last post, grimacing) a year and a half? Nowhere, just not here. Unlike the last time I went for an extended posting break, I haven't even been keeping up with DW. I think I got overwhelmed, or stuck in my own broken headspace, or something.
I used to think I was good at multitasking and could keep up with multiple streams of communication. Now I think I just was selling myself a story of being madly productive, instead of compensating for ADHD type symptoms. (Do I have ADHD? Schmaybe? Or maybe I'm constantly underslept with broken executive function. BRAINS ARE DUMB.)
I've been reading and posting a lot on a message board populated by my high school friends and their spouses and friends, which scratched some itches, but UGH there are so many dudes there who will NOT SHUT UP. I miss fannish chatter. I miss my friends here. I miss all my ladies! But knowing that I was missing out on everyone's posts, and feeling like I couldn't possibly post without catching up on EVERYTHING (BRAINS!), messed with posting my last Festivid (see previous post), and left me feeling all out of sorts and like catching up was beyond my ability, and therefore DW became a task to be avoided at all costs (brains!).
So here I am, feeling apologetic and guilty for not keeping up with you all, but trying to believe that you wouldn't hold it against me for not reading every post.
What have I been up to? (Self, what even have you been doing, ugh.) Well, I turned 50, which is older than my brother was when he died, which led to some tears and such. I can't deny anymore that I'm middle-aged. My kid, the once-named Emperor, turned 18 and graduated high school by the skin of his teeth. He is off to community college in a couple of weeks where he can hopefully start figuring out how to adult and be independent. My spouse is still unemployed. My job is great in some aspects, and craptacular in others. My garden similarly has ups and downs. Everyone keeps getting older without my permission, especially kids that I haven't seen in years and so therefore should still be frozen in that last-remembered slice of time instead of getting taller and such.
I've been reading a lot of fanfic in the past few weeks (sometimes I ship het! Sometimes I ship *GASP* CANON HET! All the Harry/Ginny for me), and I just polished up my Festivids entry. I still go back and read my own fic, and watch my own vids, and read the comments and remember that I love this gift economy, fannish community we have. I keep vowing to go write more, vid more, create more, but then DUMB BRAINS ATTACK and I watch more Youtube shorts and lose time like I've been abducted and memory wiped.
Hi, I missed you. I'm trying to get over myself and get back into this community. Please forgive me if I'm more awkward than usual. It's been a while.
I used to think I was good at multitasking and could keep up with multiple streams of communication. Now I think I just was selling myself a story of being madly productive, instead of compensating for ADHD type symptoms. (Do I have ADHD? Schmaybe? Or maybe I'm constantly underslept with broken executive function. BRAINS ARE DUMB.)
I've been reading and posting a lot on a message board populated by my high school friends and their spouses and friends, which scratched some itches, but UGH there are so many dudes there who will NOT SHUT UP. I miss fannish chatter. I miss my friends here. I miss all my ladies! But knowing that I was missing out on everyone's posts, and feeling like I couldn't possibly post without catching up on EVERYTHING (BRAINS!), messed with posting my last Festivid (see previous post), and left me feeling all out of sorts and like catching up was beyond my ability, and therefore DW became a task to be avoided at all costs (brains!).
So here I am, feeling apologetic and guilty for not keeping up with you all, but trying to believe that you wouldn't hold it against me for not reading every post.
What have I been up to? (Self, what even have you been doing, ugh.) Well, I turned 50, which is older than my brother was when he died, which led to some tears and such. I can't deny anymore that I'm middle-aged. My kid, the once-named Emperor, turned 18 and graduated high school by the skin of his teeth. He is off to community college in a couple of weeks where he can hopefully start figuring out how to adult and be independent. My spouse is still unemployed. My job is great in some aspects, and craptacular in others. My garden similarly has ups and downs. Everyone keeps getting older without my permission, especially kids that I haven't seen in years and so therefore should still be frozen in that last-remembered slice of time instead of getting taller and such.
I've been reading a lot of fanfic in the past few weeks (sometimes I ship het! Sometimes I ship *GASP* CANON HET! All the Harry/Ginny for me), and I just polished up my Festivids entry. I still go back and read my own fic, and watch my own vids, and read the comments and remember that I love this gift economy, fannish community we have. I keep vowing to go write more, vid more, create more, but then DUMB BRAINS ATTACK and I watch more Youtube shorts and lose time like I've been abducted and memory wiped.
Hi, I missed you. I'm trying to get over myself and get back into this community. Please forgive me if I'm more awkward than usual. It's been a while.