My whole life I've felt like I never quite lived up to what she wanted and expected from me, from my appearance to my marriage to my housekeeping skills, because I consistently choose to do things differently than she would, with the implicit judgment that since her way is always right, I must be always wrong.

Oh, honey, I know what this is like. So much.

I'm glad you were able to have a mostly-good visit, and I'm glad your dad's doing better… and I'm sorry that having a good time with them is something to be surprised by. I know the feeling.