grammarwoman: (Default)
[personal profile] grammarwoman
Title: This Mother's World
Fandom: Multi-sourced
Music: "This Woman's Work" by Kate Bush
Vid Download Links: 3:12, 46 MB here at Sendspace

Watch here or at the AO3 link.

Summary: "For Sale: baby shoes, never worn." Stories of infertility, miscarriage, and loss.

Premiered at Vividcon 2014.

Notes: This is a deeply personal vid for me. I've been pregnant five times, but I only have one child. The first time I miscarried I felt so alone, because no one I knew had ever talked about infertility or loss. It was like this dirty little secret that happens behind closed doors, a private grief that no one shares.

When I shared the news with the extended family, stories started trickling in along with condolences: miscarriages between kids, years of trying before anything happened, with some having no success at all. I turned to the internet for answers and others' experiences and found reactions similar to mine, of grief and anger and resentment at feeling silenced.

I started getting interested in vids several years later, sometime after the birth of my son. After my latest miscarriage, I went looking for a vid that would help my process my feelings, but all I could find were personal snapshots set to music, grainy soap opera clips, and other snippets of TV shows and movies. Nothing seemed to talk about what it felt like to see babies all over the place, from Facebook to grocery shopping to TV ads, when I was futilely trying so hard myself.

It was a kind of catharsis to start pulling together clips with the vague thought of making my own vid. When the call went out for submissions for Vividcon's Premieres show, it seemed like a good opportunity to both finish the vid and break through my fear of entering something in the main event for the convention.

The timing turned out to be somewhat bittersweet, as VVC took place during the short span between my third IVF procedure and my (alas negative) pregnancy test. The con was a lovely distraction for the most part, but watching my vid on the big screen with my hands clutched protectively over my belly...let's just say it packed an extra emotional wallop.

It hit other viewers pretty hard as well, from the reactions people shared with me afterwards. There were many hugs and tears, and I thank those of you who opened up to me about such personal situations. I was pretty drained the next morning for the in-depth reviews, so I consider it a small triumph that I didn't break down at both the kind words and the criticisms that were mentioned.

I have so much love and thanks for [personal profile] kass and all her support and reassurance before, during, and after the creation of this vid. *MASSIVE HUGS*

I am more than open to talking about this vid or the subject in general if anyone feels like it. I'm certainly grateful to everyone who's listened to me and given me such love as I've gone through this process.

Next year, though, I may just vid the Puppy Super Bowl.



Password is mothersworld

This Mother's World (multifandom) from Grammar Woman on Vimeo.




Lyrics:

Pray God you can cope.
I stand outside this woman's work,
This woman's world.

[Snipped from vid music:
Ooh, it's hard on the man,
Now his part is over.
Now starts the craft of the father.]

I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.
I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.

I should be crying, but I just can't let it show.
I should be hoping, but I can't stop thinking

Of all the things I should've said,
That I never said.
All the things we should've done,
That we never did.
All the things I should've given,
But I didn't.

Oh, darling, make it go,
Make it go away.

Give me these moments back.
Give them back to me.
Give me that little kiss.
Give me your hand.

(I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.
I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.)

I should be crying, but I just can't let it show.
I should be hoping, but I can't stop thinking

Of all the things we should've said,
That were never said.
All the things we should've done,
That we never did.
All the things that you needed from me.
All the things that you wanted for me.
All the things that I should've given,
But I didn't.

Oh, darling, make it go away.
Just make it go away now.

(no subject)

Date: 2014-08-13 06:54 pm (UTC)
kass: Eleven and Amy hug. (hug)
From: [personal profile] kass
You know I think this vid is stunning, but it bears repeating, so I will say it again here and now.

I feel certain that the existence of this vid will bring comfort to other women in your shoes, because it will help them feel that they are not alone. I only went through one miscarriage and it was devastating; I empathize so fucking much with where you are at, and I know this happens to so many women, and I know we're generally taught to be silent about it. But there is power in not being silent. There is community in not being silent. And this vid is amazing, and so are you.

(no subject)

Date: 2014-08-13 10:07 pm (UTC)
jetpack_monkey: (Donna - Sad Hugs)
From: [personal profile] jetpack_monkey
I don't even have words. This vid brings home an experience that I could never completely understand and makes me absolutely feel it.

Thank you for working through your pain with us.

(no subject)

Date: 2014-08-14 08:23 am (UTC)
mashimero: hot tea (tea time)
From: [personal profile] mashimero
Wow. It is sad that miscarriage is so little talked about. It's not something that I or people around me have experienced, but I think this vid is able to make me understand at least a little bit of the pain that you and others go through.

(no subject)

Date: 2014-08-14 06:17 pm (UTC)
raven: Karen Gillan as Amy Pond, wearing green and red and looking up (Default)
From: [personal profile] raven
This is lovely and affecting.

(no subject)

Date: 2014-08-15 07:03 am (UTC)
harempriestess: (Default)
From: [personal profile] harempriestess
I had to watch when I saw the song and the subject. Very beautiful.

There's a part of me that wonders how my mother made it through when it happened to her, especially so far along.

Thank you.

(no subject)

Date: 2014-08-19 09:16 am (UTC)
dodificus: (Default)
From: [personal profile] dodificus
This made me feel things about a topic I usually don't think about, probably because I find it hard to identify with wanting a child *that* much. So, this touched me and made me feel things I'm usually not open to. You're brave for making this vid and putting yourself out there and kudos for having the talent to do it so brilliantly.

(no subject)

Date: 2014-08-21 02:15 am (UTC)
ghost_lingering: Minus prepares to hit the meteor out of the park (today I saved the world)
From: [personal profile] ghost_lingering
This is a really wonderful vid, lovely and painful. Thanks for sharing. I actually cried a bit as I watched the vid the first time, which on the one hand is surprising because pregnancy isn't something that I want for myself so I didn't think it would hit me that hard, but on the other hand, as I watched I got more and more worried for my sister-in-law who is fairly early in her pregnancy with their first child.

On more technical notes, I love the variety of sources you pulled from. The transition from Raising Arizona to BSG, for example, on paper sounds really out there but actually it works incredibly well; in general the way that you pulled together all of these different story lines from different genres is really well done. I keep rewatching and getting impressed with the way that you use both comedy and sci-fi sources in the vid. I also really love the song you used!

(no subject)

Date: 2014-08-23 05:46 pm (UTC)
ghost_lingering: Robin Hood and Little John cross dress and accidentally grope (hey!  watch the goods!)
From: [personal profile] ghost_lingering
About the multiple sources, let me defend your choices some more, because I really don't get people's reactions that it should be about one character or that certain sources don't fit. One of the strengths of the vid is how many women are portrayed. It's not a universal experience -- it can't be as not all women seek out pregnancy and of those that do not all experience infertility/miscarriage -- but it is a broad one and the vid reflects the broadness. For me, Raising Arizona didn't seem weird for several reasons. First because you used Up in the intro to the vid and that signaled to me that not only was this a multifandom vid, but it was a vid that was going to draw on a wide variety of sources, some of which would be unexpected. And second because there is a kind of grim humor to using Raising Arizona that works really well. Raising Arizona is a comedy, of course, and my first thought upon seeing it in the vid was that you were trying to keep the vid from being too dark in a "if you don't laugh you're going to cry" kind of way. But of course she IS crying; she's not laughing. So clearly even if the film is a comedy, it's one that is based on her very real pain. They might play that pain as being over the top, but the inclusion of it here signals that there is still truth in it and it should be taken seriously. Which is why BSG following Raising Arizona works so well for me; at this point you've clearly signaled that these might be very different sources that don't necessarily look like Real Life on the surface, but the emotional undercurrents within the stories ring true. Which is how comedy and sci-fi should always be, imo -- emotionally relevant and true even if the settings and situations are not.

Also, having read your notes on the vid, it made sense to me that you would pick sources that were relevant and resonant with you and your experience, even if they didn't exactly seem like bedfellows on the surface. For that reason alone your choices in media worked for me far more than some more fandom-based multifandom vids, which I often watch and think "But you missed this movie and this TV show and I hate this other thing you included and this one fandom doesn't fit and -- !!!"

(ETA: Wait I want to clarify that I wrote this comment before I watched "Fembots" just now and you included all of the fandoms I wanted you to include in "Fembots", crisis averted, not talking about your other vid with this comment, promise!!!)

Personally, I also find that, intended or not, the multifannishness of the vid has some subtle media critiques embedded in it. In some of these sources the infertility/miscarriage/pregnancy plotlines are used as either easy go-tos for angst or as set up for wacky hijinks to come. I don't think the vid reaches any conclusions about this, but it suggests further examination and questioning, which I appreciate.
Edited Date: 2014-08-23 06:05 pm (UTC)

(no subject)

Date: 2014-08-28 03:18 am (UTC)
burnishedvictory: (Shelter - <3 - hug)
From: [personal profile] burnishedvictory
This vid is amazing, and I really don't have words for it. Thank you for making it.

(no subject)

Date: 2014-09-19 01:17 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
This made me cry. Thank you for sharing what you've gone through. Thank you for sharing it in a way that someone like me, who has no experience of this, can begin to understand. thank you.

(no subject)

Date: 2015-07-29 06:35 am (UTC)
shallowness: bright flowers in vase against green background (flowers that remind me of Layla)
From: [personal profile] shallowness
I have tears in my eyes. Thank you for crafting and sharing this vid.
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